I feel terrible about it now, knowing that my stress and anxiety may have been the reason she did not want to leave the room, or the reason by the end of the night she was beyond exhausted and stressed. She was at the point, when we returned to the hotel, where she was shaking and complaining of pain in her legs. We had her drink a bunch of water and put her to bed, and when she was fine the next day we knew it was stress related. I know some of it was the excitement of a new place, the overwhelming feeling of being in a big city, staying up late the night before, etc. But I also know I unfairly projected my own weakness on her. I am working twice as hard this week to try to make up for my failings last week, but I feel so inadequate at times I wonder what is it I am teaching her.
My anxiety levels are insane, I need to constantly work on them. I am shy to the point of socially awkward, hiding from people I don't know, avoiding eye contact, saying nothing when meeting new people, probably looking like a jerk. Honestly, though, I am not ignoring you, I do not think I am better than you, I am at war with myself to even speak up. I fear new things, change, but I am forcing myself out of the box. Hence, joining a parent group, volunteering with a community organization, writing my blog, and doing #bookstagram. I can only hope that these things are also getting through to my daughter, that she is not only seeing my anxiety and weaknesses; but seeing me push myself, my strengths, and my intelligent voice.
Friday in Toronto, with my mom, coming up in a couple days. Stay tuned.
This blog is about being a stay-at-home mom. Includes photos, meals, crafts, thoughts, and tons of other fun stuff!
Blogs I love:
Living, Loving, and Laughing in the Loo
A Baked Creation
The Party Wagon
Fia Lotta Jansson
Dinner With Julie
How About Orange