Jeremy's character jumped off the page, continuously trying to assert himself, to prove himself, to be what he believes a boy needs to be, often times at expense of his own happiness. His fear of being deadnamed, misgendered, his body dysphoria, makes him avoid the things he loves that society deems to be for girls. His identity is weaponized against him and his school does little to protect him from bullying. You could feel his rage, especially through the audiobook. It was easy to understand why he pushed others away, and his inability to love himself because of his dysphoria means he feels no one else can love him. Lukas was such a sweet, troubled character. He has been made to feel ashamed of his autism and tries his hardest to hide it from everyone (except for Jeremy); he feels this way because his parents always preferred his "perfect" older brother, who bullied Lukas, and who recently died. Jeremy broke up with Lukas at the funeral, and since that day Lukas has been slowly falling apart. He feels he needs to be perfect in order to heal the rift in his family, which is affecting his health and his mental health. So many times I wanted to slap the adults in his vicinity who did nothing to help him. His parents were awful, yes they had lost a son, but they were completely ignoring their other son, who is clearly suffering and at his breaking point. This is another one of those novels where a lot of things could have been avoided if the two mains communicated with each other. There was also a bit of repetition, which I found distracting. I would also love one young adult book where there could be at least one adult who notices and tries to help, or where parents aren't completely inept. I understand that there are a lot of bad parents, but what about the good ones? Where are they? An interesting, deep, emotional story written in dual perspective (my favourite). Being in both characters heads created empathy for both Jeremy and Lukas. Their chemistry was intense and their relationship was so supportive and beautiful. I liked that Lukas understood Jeremy, even after everything between them had imploded. Jeremy tries to distance himself from Lukas, but he cannot seem to break their tether and notices when Lukas is floundering. Thank you to Macmillan Children's Publishing Group for giving me a copy of the audiobook/ebook in exchange for an honest review.
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