This was such a deep, personal look into the life of a Black woman in Britain. From the abuse she suffered as a child to the continued abuse she suffers to this day. Men sexually misuse her, and Queenie does not fight back because she believes she deserves it, she thinks this is what sex is, that you give these men what they want without question. Her boyfriend, who she is on a break from, never fought for her against his racist family. Queenie kept finding herself in these horrible situations because her opinion of herself has been stripped to nothing. I felt so awful for this woman, who deserved more than this world had to offer her. Her friends tried, but Darcy is a white woman still learning about Black oppression and Cassandra is too busy running Queenie's life as though she were a child. Kyazike is the only one who can truly connect with how the world treats Black women, but even she has had different experiences than Queenie. Queenie for so long is floundering with no support, with nobody noticing her mental and physical deterioration, which only adds to her feelings of helplessness and invisibility. At first when Queenie began to sleep around, misbehave at work, and act erratically, I could not understand her. I wanted to blame her, but as the novel went on I began to see the ways in which the world was pushing Queenie down. The simple interactions she had daily that added to her feelings of worthlessness. Even just how she was being treated at a sexual health clinic. Her trauma and her daily interactions with other people are the reasons that Queenie cannot pull herself out of her spiral. So, I became angry for Queenie. At her asshole boyfriend who allowed the horrible racist comments from his uncle to go unchecked, which lead Queenie to accidentally hit a cake out of his mother's hands. Instead of comforting Queenie, he says she needs to apologize and make amends. He is angry at Queenie for not opening up to him, when he clearly is unable to sympathize with her or understand how the world works for her. He distances himself from her when she cannot open up about her trauma, and pushes her out of her own space for his own benefit. Then she has to deal with another horrible man, who uses her body in disgusting ways because he believes Black women feel less pain, can take more violence to their bodies. Disgusting!!!! Even her one friend disowns her for her boyfriends bad behaviour, punishing Queenie for something she had little control over. Her work space is also quite infuriating. Queenie feels herself stagnating, and I think this lead to some of her bad work behaviour. She felt like she was a token Black woman in the office and therefore had little desire to do the menial work she was being given. Having been there for three years I could not believe that her boss had not taken any of her suggestions, or used part of the suggestion, reshaping it to fit their magazine. Plus, she is then sent on leave for sexual harassment, without having her side of the story or investigating the man for his part in the relationship. The white man suffers no consequences and her boss does not fight in her corner. Queenie's family is supportive, and help her how they can, but they also are against seeking help for mental health. Her mother is a faded woman after being in an abusive relationship, and her relationship with Queenie is so strained from what happened to them. Queenie's safest space is her grandparents attic, where she feels herself, can quietly pull herself back together and trust that she is truly loved. It was nice to see her grandfather speak up for Queenie, a needed moment when all the other men in her life have been letting her down or are outright hostile to her. This is a book that feeds your anger for everything that Queenie goes through, but then you begin to feel hopeful when she pushes herself into therapy (against the wishes of her family). It is a book about needing change, needing to accept help and love from family and friends, but also about finding ways in which to heal yourself when you feel you are breaking apart. And nothing is perfect, Queenie may slip here or there, but she now has methods put in place to pull herself back.
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