I went into this book expecting dark themes, as it has a good content warning, but boy does it rip your heart out. The book points out the very seedy goings on in Hollywood. Not just the fake relationships for the sake of promotion and hiding sexuality, but the darker reality of fame. Deals brokered for bits and pieces of an actor, even a child actor. The social aspect of fans believing they have any right to the life and privacy of those they warship or hate. The producers, executives, directors, agents who care little for their clients and are really only interested in money and power.
I was livid for Logan, for the life he was dealt. The negativity he was bombarded with daily from social media, his trauma leaving him in a continuous loop of denial, self medicating, self harm, and accepting others judgement for who he truly is. Mattie was the first person who tried to disconnect Logan from his "image," Logan's supposed former friends never even tried. It was sick how Hollywood treated Logan. How his father used him to gain fame and fortune, then left him with years of trauma to sort through. He accepts abuse, emotionally and physically, from others as he thinks it is what he deserves, what love is, how the world works. I seethed for this broken man. Mattie is dealing with a different kind of self discovery. He is the people's sweetheart and he works hard to keep himself that way. He avoids bad press, avoids being his true self. He is dealing with fallout from his coming out to his family, hiding his pain, hiding shame. Throughout the novel he begins to see how he is being held back, by Logan, by his father, by his own shame. He sees that he needs to make sure he is doing the best for himself, before he tries to care for others. My only drawback from this incredibly moving story about trauma and healing, was a lack of chemistry between Mattie and Logan. I felt they kind of just fell into a relationship with no real connection. I loved them both, was so happy when they started living for themselves and putting safety precautions in place. But, I think the two needed a bit more of a spark. To me they seemed more suited to be best friends and less lovers. Overall though, a moving, painful, but beautifully written book about piecing yourself together after years of trauma and neglect. Highly recommend.
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