I will not lie, this was a very hard book to read, but not because it was not well written, but because of the tough subject matter. However, I think the story was handled really well. Zoe and Nikki's assault experiences were very different, they processed their emotions very differently, but they had each other to help with the betrayal they felt from their bodies, their school and their community. This shows how different each story of assault and rape can be, but how the main outcome if a loss of power, a loss of self. It was such an important book to read in terms of how the world in general still fails to protect women and the LGBTQIA+ community from assault and harassment. The book highlights how assault adversely affects every aspect of the victims life. Zoe's field performance in fockey plummets, as she is trying to win the championship, so she can seen by a scout from her college of choice (since she needs a scholarship to go to school). It affects her relationships at home, as she hides what happened from her parents in shame. It affects the relationship with her team as they move further into their vigilante justice. She is scared in her school, of running into the kid who assaulted her. She feels wrong in her own body, thinking she was strong, but now is weak. The book helped to really make you feel what Zoe is going through, her pain, her disbelief. Zoe convinces the team that vigilante justice is their only course of action, and convinces the reader of the same. But, as their "protection" of other young women escalates, both Zoe and the reader begin to see the flaws in this logic. We begin to see the similarities between what the team is doing and those young men who are assaulting women. Instead of hiding in the shadows, the most powerful thing Zoe, and others who have suffered sexual assault, can do is to speak out. However, Zoe has an amazing support system, a group of people surrounding her with love and trust, ones who will raise their voices with her, but not everyone has that system in place. So, it is up to those like Zoe to speak out, to raise awareness, to try to stop the parties that result in rape, in order to help those who are too frightened to talk, or who are unable to. In the novel, Zoe and her team work together to protect each other, instill hope and trust in each other. Where the school fails them time and again, even to go so far as to blame one of their members for protecting herself from assault, the team sticks up for each other and both push boundaries and reign each other in. Their love for one another is beautiful, and necessary for young women and those in marginalized communities. To have a group that you trust enough to express your emotions, or that you trust enough to listen to when you go too far. Zoe's team listen to her, comfort her, encourage her, but also try their hardest to show her how far she is slipping away from herself. I really like the relationship between Zoe and Grove as well. It was interesting to see her associate her first kiss with Grove with her assault, as they happened on the same night. This connection sours her on Grove, without him knowing, and he therefore becomes mad at her. But, through the course of the novel they share, they talk, and he continues to be a good person. He listens, asks for consent constantly (from the beginning) and apologizes for his actions even before he knows why Zoe was acting the way she was. He was such an opposite to the young men perpetuating the rape culture in the school. Grove, and his friends, are exactly how we wish young men would be raised, would grow, to be conscious of their culpability, of their ability to be better, of it being their task to ask permission, to understand the culture of consent. Bravo! This book was phenomenal, had me seething with rage, on the verge of tears, and bursting with pride for these amazingly brave pack of fockey players. This book will stay with me for a long time and maybe if more people read it they would see or realize the injustices that young women and those in marginalized groups face daily. Assault is so prevalent and still the onus is on women, or others, to protect themselves, not on young men to respect others bodies. Thank you so much to Macmillan for sending me an eArc of this novel in exchange for an honest review.
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