We are all placed in West's shoes, afraid of what we won't find, but also afraid of what we will find. Sadie and Mattie's story could be any real life tragedy. Two girls whose drug addicted mother has a trail of terrible boyfriends, and who eventually walks out on them. Sadie, the eldest, becomes Mattie's surrogate mother and really has no childhood of her own. Her mother's love only seems to have landed on Mattie, Mattie being one of the only outlets for both Claire (their mother) and Sadie's love. Sadie's chapters are a strange sort of road trip narrative. She suffers from a stutter, this makes her search that much harder. As you follow along, you slowly learn about her past. You learn about her emptiness, why she is so hard, so angry, so lonely and sad. Her story kicks you in the stomach, pulls at your heart, and leaves you seething. Not one person she encounters actually does anything to help her, they do the absolute minimum for Sadie. The world completely fails these two girls (these sisters) and you know that there is so much truth in this fictional book. Following Sadie had me on edge, worried about what she was doing and where it would lead her. Wondering where she was, when months later the podcast features her story and she is still missing. Every strep she takes pulls her further into darkness, and the hairs were standing on the back of my neck as her story slowly unfurled. The only hopeful light in this story is the love Sadie has for her sister. She had so little love for herself that she poured everything she had into Mattie. She was devoted to her, usually at the expense of her own growth and happiness. Sadie is really a ghost in her life, and even more of a ghost after her sister passes away. It is no surprise that she goes missing and the story that emerges after is so heart breaking, but compelling to read. I am slowly becoming a fan of podcasts, and this form of writing had me so intrigued. I liked that it was interview style and was quick to read or listen to. Each character was voiced by someone in the audio book, as it was a full cast audio. This made the audio book seem like a real podcast. West and Sadie's stories intertwine and feed into each other. Where there may have been answers in Sadie's story, West might be asking the question. Or, opposite of that, when Sadie had a question with no answer, often West would fill in the blanks. So, while these two characters may never meet or interact, they very much connect. This book had me in tears, it highlighted how cruel this world can be to young women and children. How these vulnerable members of society can be so used and discarded. Even when they have someone who may care for them, they are often subjected to horrible things that they then hide for fear of what may happen to those they love. I both loved the descriptive writing and hated the reality of the contents. I highly recommend reading this book. I also recommend listening to the audio book for a fully immersive book experience.
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